Michael & Peter

Paraphrase of conversation with Michael this morning:
Mom will you help me zip up my coat?

Yes, just a moment while I finish cleaning April's glasses.

(As I finished cleaning her glasses Michael had succeeded zipping his coat.)

(In my busy mode, focused on Michael while I had April's glasses in my hand, I laughed as I caught myself about to put April's glasses onto Michael. Heehee!)

So I laughed and told Michael that I almost put April's glasses on his face!

Then I said something like, "See how confusing it gets when a mom has lots of children?"

Michael replied, "You don't have lots of children, you only have two."

"Yes, and can you imagine how much more confused I would be if I had more children to take care of? Heehee!"

(Walking with Michael over to the hair combing area so I could comb his hair.)

As I began to comb his hair he said, "Hypothetically you have three children."

"Yes, technically I have three children because I have given birth to three children."

Now, this conversation took place about 5 hours ago, and I can't quite put all of the exact words here because they are eluding me. But it turned into a very nurturing, appropriate, wonderful, healing, simple conversation. Michael needed to hear these things from me, and I'm so happy that this natural opportunity to discuss this topic came up.

In 2008 I gave birth to a baby boy. Michael had just turned 5 years old at the time. He had been expecting a baby brother, in part because he was very aware that I was about to have a baby, and also because a sweet sister in our ward had talked him up about it and had gotten him all excited about it...not knowing that we were planning to give the baby up for adoption. She didn't know. I wasn't even sure until a few weeks before I gave birth.

This was all done in love, I assure you, reader. I assure Michael. I assure anyone who wonders at the peculiarity of it all. I do not need to explain myself because whenever I try to do so it harrows up sadness and past hurts in me. Therefore I reserve the right not to explain my decision to every person who wonders how on earth I could give my third baby up for adoption while I'm already raising my first two little ones. Let it suffice to say that the people who were closest to us at the time had no doubts that we made the right decision, and they were impressed and overwhelmingly proud of me that I had the strength and clarity of mind to place that baby in a more loving home than we could give him. It was simply the right thing to do.

So I'm having trouble recalling exactly how the conversation with Michael, now 8 years old, went this morning, but it was healing and sweet.

Michael & I have had ongoing, loving dialogue over this delicate matter over the years. The moment/mood isn't always right, and sometimes it is, and our conversation this morning was just so nurturing.

I told Michael that we can probably meet Peter sometime soon if he would like to. I explained to him that the reason we haven't visited his family yet...is because it is a sensitive matter...on our end as well as theirs. I want to respect their family cohesiveness, etc.

Of course I feel that Michael is absolutely entitled to meet his biological brother. That is, if it's all right with P's parents, which I'm sure it would be. I think it would be appropriate to introduce them to each other while they're young, so that if they wish, they can maintain a lifelong friendship / brother relationship.

P is going to be 4 years old in July. I do nowadays feel prepared, whenever the time may come in his life, to have similar dialoges with P as well, at any appropriate time as life unfolds.

Everyone on earth deserves the very best love and care that can possibly be given to them.

February 2012

A couple of weeks ago I snapped the following photo of just-another-moment-of-a-day-in-the-life: Walking home from school. I love walking the kids to and from school. The walk isn't too far, but it's far enough that we always get quality time, fresh air, exercise, and we build precious, simple memories together. This is our stroll through our sweet, safe suburban neighborhood that I am so overwhelmingly grateful every day to have our children grow up in.

The morning of Valentine's Day we put together the kids' class valentines. Love was in the air! It really was. That morning was magical for everyone in the family... even we adults had our own abstract reasons for having an exceptional Valentine's Day, heehee.